All in Random Stuff

This was on the radio last night...   The "Sunscreen Song" of 2004?

"Underwear Goes Inside the Pants"
Lazyboy

Why is marijuana not legal? Why is marijuana not legal?
It's a natural plant that grows in the dirt.
Do you know what's not natural?
80 year old dudes with hard-ons. That's not natural.
But we got pills for that.
We're dedicating all our medical resources to keeping the old guys erect,
but we're putting people in jail for something that grows in the dirt?

You know we have more prescription drugs now.
Every commercial that comes on TV is a prescription drug ad.
I can't watch TV for four minutes without thinking I have five serious diseases.
Like: "Do you ever wake up tired in the morning?"
Oh my god I have this, write this down. Whatever it is, I have it.
Half the time I don't even know what the commercial is:
people running in fields or flying kites or swimming in the ocean.
I'm like that is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that?
That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy.

The schools now: It is all about self-esteem in the schools now.
Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves.
If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who is going to dance in our strip clubs?
What's going to happen to our porno industry?
These women don't just grown on trees.
It takes lots of drunk dads missing dance recitals before you decide to blow a goat on the internet for fifty bucks.
And if that disappears, where does that leave me on a Friday night with my new high speed connection?

Masterminds are another word that comes up all the time.
You keep hearing about these terrorists masterminds that get killed in the middle east.
Terrorists masterminds.
Mastermind is sort of a lofty way to describe what these guys do, don't you think?
They're not masterminds.
"OK, you take bomb, right? And you put in your backpack. And you get on bus and you blow yourself up. Alright?"
"Why do I have to blow myself up? Why can't I just:"
"Who's the fucking mastermind here? Me or you?"

Americans, let's face it: We've been a spoiled country for a long time.
Do you know what the number one health risk in America is?
Obesity. They say we're in the middle of an obesity epidemic.
An epidemic like it is polio. Like we'll be telling our grand kids about it one day.
The Great Obesity Epidemic of 2004.
"How'd you get through it grandpa?"
"Oh, it was horrible Johnny, there was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere."

Nobody knows why were getting fatter? Look at our lifestyle.
I'll sit at a drive thru.
I'll sit there behind fifteen other cars instead of getting up to make the eight foot walk to the totally empty counter.
Everything is mega meal, super sized. Want biggie fries, super sized, want to go large.
You want to have thirty burgers for a nickel you fat mother fucker. There's room in the back. Take it!
Want a 55 gallon drum of Coke with that? It's only three more cents.

Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life.
Do you think if Bill Gates got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Of course not.
You got to spend a long time in your own locker with your underwear shoved up your ass before you start to think,
"You'll see. I'm going to take of the world of computers! I'll show them."

We're in one of the richest countries in the world,
but the minimum wage is lower than it was thirty five years ago.
There are homeless people everywhere.
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day.
I was about to give it to him and then I thought he was going to use it on drugs or alcohol.
And then I thought, that's what I'm going to use it on.
Why am I judging this poor bastard.
People love to judge homeless guys. Like if you give them money they're just going to waste it.
Well, he lives in a box, what do you want him to do? Save it up and buy a wall unit?
Take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a CD rack? He's homeless.
I walked behind this guy the other day.
A homeless guy asked him for money.
He looks right at the homeless guy and says why don't you go get a job you bum.
People always say that to homeless guys like it is so easy.
This homeless guy was wearing his underwear outside his pants.
Outside his pants. I'm guessing his resume isn't all up to date.
I'm predicting some problems during the interview process.
I'm pretty sure even McDonalds has a "underwear goes inside the pants" policy.
Not that they enforce it really strictly, but technically I'm sure it is on the books.

Since I bought my place, the MR 16 halogen bulbs on my tracklight haven't worked right.

I turn them on, they light for light 5-10 minutes, then blowout.. .but they're not really blown out, because if I shut them off, and turn them on again later, they'll work.  Sometimes they'll just go back on by themselves.   I've bought new bulbs, replaced the little sliding arm things they plug into...  only put one track light at a time up... nothing seems to work.  I don't get it.

David Blaine was hanging out in a ball of water for some reason.

I don't even care enough to Google as to why.  Its so ridiculously stupid.

I really can't stand him.  When he stood in Bryant Park on that pole, I wanted to throw something to knock him off.

He just reminds me of those angsty kids that would do stupid stuff to get attention...   walking on ledges, stabbing knives in between their fingers...   Its just more of the tiresome cult of unworthy celebrity.  Cal Ripken, Jr. played in over 2600 straight games...  16 seasons.  No Injuries, no breaks.  Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Bubble Boy.

...but this time, its doormen.

I wouldn't have even known, except that Fresh Direct sent around a notice.

"As you may know, if an employment contract agreement is not reached, 28,000 doormen, elevator operators, porters, and other residential building employees have indicated that they will strike on Thursday, April 20, at 11:59 p.m.

We anticipate a strike could bring delivery complications for your FreshDirect order. As a result, we encourage customers in affected buildings to schedule deliveries for early in the week. In the event of a strike, we plan to reduce time-slot availability on Friday, April 21."

Wow... this could be almost as tragic as the taxi strike.   Remember that?  The streets were mostly clear of traffic.  Everyone took public transportation.  Oh... wait...   that wasn't so bad.

With this doorman strike, people might need to...um...  open their own doors!  Lord, they might even have to get packages sent to work!

Cry me a river.

Maybe we'll start opening doors for each other!  How nice would that be?

BTW...  Some woman kept the door at the gym open for me yesterday even though I was like a good 20 feet from the door.  Maybe she's practicing for when her doorman is gone.

Brad was telling us yesterday of a management training exercise he attended while at AT&T.  They took a bunch of suits rock climbing, and Brad being somewhat atheletic was doing pretty well getting up and down the rock face.

So the instructor told him to try doing it blindfolded.

You would think that would have made it a lot harder, but the reality was, climbing blindfolded made it even easier--because you didn't waste time trying to "overnavigate" your path by sight.  You just reached out for sure footing and pulled yourself up.  You didn't pick out a rock or a line up the face that "looked ok" which was probably misleading anyway. 

Making decisions about your next step is always going to involve some risk.  If you think you've calculated all the variables, you've probably overthought it and maybe to your own detriment.  Sometimes you just need to take the plunge sometimes, whether its getting creative (and a bit risky) with a marketing strategy, feature development, or your own career.