Why It's Good to Be Transactional

When people describe what they hate about networking, they often use the word “transactional” in a negative way. No one likes to sell or be sold anything—or to be only valued for your ability to exchange goods and services right there on the spot.

That, however, is a very privileged perspective on time. People who can take the time to “get to know each other” without demanding anything right off the bat have both extra time and also enough stability in their lives to be able to forgo short term needs for long term benefit.

You never hear a homeless person suggesting that you “see if there’s anything we might be able to collaborate on in the future”.

I’ve probably used the term transactional in the pejorative as well—but I’ve come around to wishing people were actually more transactional when they approach me. I have a full life of friends and family, a portfolio of investments that I’m working with, an investor coaching business, a thought leadership course, I play softball, ice hockey, compete in triathlons and run a non-profit kayaking program that I started.

In other words, I literally do not have the time to just shoot the shit with any random professional who winds up in my inbox with some vague idea of where our professional interests might align.

That is not to say that I don’t love meeting new people or that I don’t want to meet anyone else. Far from it!

I just need to know what it is that you want from me or what specifically you’re offering because I need to prioritize spending time with people whose needs align with how I want to allocate my time. To me, being transactional is being both respectful and empathetic. If your aim is to try to facilitate a transaction, that means you’ve put in the effort to bundle some offering of value and, most importantly, you’ve considered who I am as an individual professional enough to the point where you believe I can be specifically helpful in some way.

Too many times I see people in underrepresented communities feeling like they don’t get paid their value or somehow get the short end of the stick on general inquiries within their area of expertise. For them, especially, we all need to be a lot more upfront about what you’re offering and what you need from someone.

To not be “transactional” and not think about specific goals like this is to be inconsiderate—which is not to mean “rude” but to quite literally lack consideration. You just didn’t think of me and what I might need or whether helping you is a way I might want to spend my time.

Or, you’re pretending not to know what you want or hiding it, in order to prevent me from having the opportunity to make that judgment myself as to whether or not this is going to be a fit. Sorry, but that’s not more polite or more human. It’s deceptive.

There are some people for whom there are a dozen potential things we could do together—and the alignment is just so obvious that it isn’t even worth listing them all out—but that’s rare. Most people know what they need from others and have crafted an offering they think is valuable—so why can’t they just be transparent about it and upfront?

Why do we have to do this little dance?

Are you fundraising? I’ll charge you for some hours of my time to kick the tires on your idea and help rewrite or write your pitch.

Do you aspire to be a partner in VC or to break in? You can pay me to coach you.

Do you want to get more visible recognition for your skills and accomplishments—and to let your next opportunity come from an audience that you’ve built? You can sign up for my course.

Do you want to play ice hockey or softball? We can talk about you joining my teams.

Do you want to kayak in NYC? Join our boathouse as a volunteer. (Like this post? Donate to us!)

Want to cycle together? Follow me on Strava and let’s talk about going up 9W.

Do you want your 2-year-old near Prospect Park to be friends with my two-year-old? Let’s figure out a play date.

Need a speaker for your startup event or podcast? I’m generally game.

Something else… Just tell me! Or ask! You never know what I might be up for!